Pt 24 - Chapter 10: Present

Neurons Like Brandy is a long running project of mine that I have been trying to finish for about 8 years. It focuses on a house in Brighton after the zombie apocalypse has passed, with flashbacks told by one of the remaining survivors every other chapter.

The chapter numbering is a little confusing so if this is your first time here and you are interested in reading more then I would recommend starting at the index where each of the chapters are ordered in the manner that they are meant to be read.

This chapter returns to the present.

Read below the break for more.



Chapter 10: Present

Isaac’s funeral was little more than two days after the drug fueled night in Dan’s apartment. Phillip, Joshua and Dan left in the morning and his friend was buried within an hour in a plot of land next to Michael, within another hour Dan was home and drinking, alone.

The others had gathered for a wake of sorts in the main room but Dan hadn’t felt in the mood to spend time with the others. Instead he sat on the edge of his bed with a bottle of Vodka, a pint glass and some flat lemonade. 

Filling the glass half and half he took a gulp, he could feel the sugar rub against his gums and into a nerve ending that had been rubbed raw by over a year of neglect and finally given up resisting. He winced a little but after the third swig, the sawing inside his mouth had dissipated to a dull throb.

He lay back and took baby sips now that he was suitably numb. 

Isaac was dead, he rolled the thought around in his head, Isaac wasn’t coming back. 

He filled up the pint glass but this time, like every time you drunkenly pour a second drink; it was more vodka than lemonade. It went down well. He finished the second glass and let the familiar buzz sink into his spine. 

“The brilliant thing about drunkenness,” he started. “Is that it numbs everything.”

He went to pour himself a third drink and hesitated then he went for it. 

“You can think,” he talked directly at the glass, “but not too much.”

He took another long slug and lay on his back, the glass resting on his chest. The base of the glass dug into his rib cage; his skin was paper thin and he had only just noticed. 

He let his head swim and for his eyes to lose focus on the ceiling; a dumb smile on his face. He started half-dreaming with his eyes half open. Images shot past him, potential truth, probably lies: George laughing over something stupid that Oli had said, Phillip playfully punching him in the arm, Caryn sharing secrets with Nufonia. The images seemed to loop in his brain. 

It wasn’t until he spilt his drink on himself that he started, clumsily, alert. 

He cursed his damp clothes and tried to wipe the alcohol, thinly veiled in lemonade, from his neck. He grimaced as it reminded him of that day, the day that Nufonia went away. 

He poured something straight and drank some of it then got up slowly and walked out of his apartment and into the dimly lit hall. He frowned, how long had he been in his room?

He shuffled down the stairs; logic dictated that if the lights were still on then people were still in the communal room. This was confirmed as he made out voices close by.

He recognised Phillip and Laine, as he shuffled closer he started to make out words.

“Nah, the generator was George’s idea. I installed it and fucking saved his life in the progress though.” He drawled.

“Impressive.” She sounded equally drunk.

“Yeah, well I try.”

Dan made the U-turn on the stairwell in time to see Laine get up on her tip toes, reach up with her right hand, clasp the back of Phillip’s neck and pull him towards her. 

Despite his drunkenness and the gloom, Dan saw Phillip’s face change from goofy grin, to shock, to rage. He pushed her away forcefully.

He looked at her, opened his mouth as if to say something, closed it, grunted something then stormed away and down into the depths of the house. 

Dan sniggered to himself, realised he had been noticed and shared a gaze with Laine. She seemed shocked at his presence. He shrugged overly dramatically at her, lost his balance and fell down the remainder of the stairs.

He found himself sprawled at Laine’s feet. 

“What the fuck? Dan?”

Dan tried to gesture at her, he wasn’t sure what the gesture was meant to be but he tried it again.   

He could feel her hovering over him, as if considering whether to help him up or follow Phillip. Dan felt her reach around his shoulders and pull. It took them a few seconds to get him standing; he gave her what he hoped was a sheepish grin.

“Are you okay?” She asked as he half staggered away from her.

“I’m fine.” He gestured without looking back. “You should be careful though.”

“What?”

“I get it now.” Dan said, not sure what he was saying. “I get it.”

She didn’t follow him. 

He made his way into the communal room and was blasted by the sound of some down beat rap music. Oli, Jocelyn, Orfax and Jo were sitting on the sofa nearest the television. Across from them were Duck, Andy and Craig who were also staring at the screen. Caryn was mixing herself a drink and chatting to Joshua.

Oli noticed him first and waved, his other arm was over Jocelyn’s shoulder. He got a wave from Orfax too but a scowl from Jo. Ignoring it he trailed over to where Caryn was, nodded at her and poured himself whatever was in the bottle nearest him. She cast him a look he couldn’t interpret so he stared back at her. 

“Are you okay?”

“Great.”

“Did you see Phillip on your way down?”

“I did.” Dan started.

“Did you speak to him?”

“No.” Dan felt like he should say more but Caryn had already started on something else.

“Phillip is so focused on finding Phil, what with you guys finding Alison.”

“Wait, you know about that?”

“Phillip explained to everyone earlier.” Joshua interjected.

Dan frowned, his brain trying to process this why it had been meant as a secret in the first place.

“Well, to be fair, everyone knew already.” Caryn pointed out.

“Yeah, I guess.” Joshua shrugged.

“The thing is, I don’t think Phil is going to be there anymore and if he is then I doubt he would still be alive.”

“True.” Dan managed before drinking.

“It has got me thinking; we should try and reach out to more people.”

“Excuse me?”

“We have been here for over a year. This place is safe, we have food, we have drink.” She gestured with her glass. “What we don’t have is skills. We need people who can make a real garden. Not the thing we have right now. We could expand.”

“Did you come up with this now?” Dan asked, he caught himself shaking his head.

“No, well, yes.” Caryn smiled. She took another drink. “It is a good idea though, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I mean why now though? Why are you telling us?”

She paused for a second.

“Because this place is falling apart, we should have been doing this a long time ago. So far we have just taken people in, we haven’t actively pursued them. I am telling you because I want you to back me up after I talk to Phillip about it.”

Dan took a drink, a long one. He nodded, not sure what he was nodding about.

Dan was sitting on the sofa feeling completely disorientated. He looked around himself to see that Oli was next to him and Caryn was nowhere in sight, not that he could see much as the room was lit by some candles. He tried to get up but found that he had drunk far too much to get more than a couple of inches away from his seat. He sat back down and swung his head back in Oli’s direction. His skull felt like it was full of sticky honey that caused everything in his sight to swim slightly with items unfocused on the periphery.

Still trying to figure out what was going on, he squinted his eyes at Oli who, in turn, started laughing.

“Man, you are wasted.”

“Yeah, because.” Dan started. “Because, what?”

Oli just kept laughing.

“Isaac is dead.” Dan managed.

“Yeah.” Oli nodded. “You keep mentioning that.”

“He was my most, most matured friend.” Dan said. “I’ve known him since.”

Dan frowned, he tried to grasp for words and the more he tried the more frustrating it got. He threw up his hands.

“I wish I was smart.” He declared; that just elicited more laughter from Oli. Dan looked at Oli trying to look serious. “I do. I really, really do.”

“Man, you are on a fucking roll today. What was that shit you were going on about with Michael and light?” Oli asked.

“Yeah, was he a magician?” This came from Orfax.

Dan turned in the direction of his voice and found Orfax sprawled out on the floor near the big screen TV. Duck was unconscious on the sofa to his left. He looked around hurriedly, feeling a lot more sober; there didn’t appear to be anyone in the room.

“No.” Dan said. “When did I tell you that?”

“About 10 minutes ago.” Oli replied.

“I don’t remember that.”

“Yeah, apparently he was like Jesus, or something.” Orfax said. “Like he cured the blind.”

“Jesus?” Oli repeated.

“Yeah, Jesus.”

“But,” Oli hesitated, as if he was attempting to catch up with the conversation. “Dude, Dan’s not blind.”

“Yeah.” Orfax said in a way that sounded like he thought the conversation had come to a conclusion.

Dan looked from one to the other; they were staring at each other and held it for what seemed like a very long time. The non-exchange lasted so long, in fact, that he started to wonder whether the two of them staring at each other without talking was really happening or not.

Maybe I am hallucinating, he thought, maybe I am dreaming. This could be a frozen moment in my dream and this could all not be happening, instead I am having a terr-

“Like Jesus.” Orfax said again, this time solemnly.

Oli started cackling.

Dan forced himself up off the sofa and managed to make himself walk over Orfax.

“Where you goin’ man?” Oli called after him.

“Bed.”

“Aw, you should come back man, tell us about Jesus.” Oli called out as Dan made it to the hallway

“Yeah, I could tell you about the Internet being Heaven, it was dream.” Orfax shouted as Dan made it to the stairs.   

His head was starting to hurt as the onset of his hangover started even while he was drunk. He made it up to his bed and sank into it, the sheet underneath his face vaguely glommed to his cheek; it had an abrasive smell of old, cheap Vodka mixed with stale sweat.

He drifted off, tired, drunk and a growing ache in his temples.

It was like someone quickly flipped a switch in his brain, off and then on again. He found himself lying flat on his back, staring straight up at the ceiling. His guts were a mess and he could feel the onset of cold shakes starting.

He cautiously climbed out of bed and got onto the floor on his hands and knees and made his way to what was left of the kitchen of his apartment. He hated the place but knew that there was some old cereal in one of the cupboards. He got himself upright and found what he was looking for; his whole body wanted to give up but he couldn’t bear to sit in there, so he shuffled back into his bedroom and sat on the floor and dug into the limp flakes and shovelled mouthfuls in.

He heard Phillip coming from downstairs; he could recognise the determined stomp a mile away. The clomp of Dr. Martens on old stairs was unmistakable. He physically winced when he noted that the sound of Phillip purposefully marching was missing the sound of the more hesitant steps of Denny behind them.

What he didn’t realise, until he heard Phillip come through his apartment door, was that he was the destination.

Phillip walked straight into his room without knocking; he had the same look on his face as when he had confronted Craig about Phil B leaving. This time instead of shouting he just stood there and stared at Dan. In turn, Dan carried on eating the dry breakfast that was turning his mouth into a chalk pit.

“Fuck man, you look like shit.” Phillip flickered a smile across his face and then made it go away as he didn’t even wait for Dan’s response. “We need to go out today.”

“What for?”

“I want to go back out to where Alison was and I want to have a look around.” 

“No thanks.” Dan replied, as he did so he could see the muscles in Phillip’s jaw clench and unclench.

“I wasn’t expecting that answer.” Phillip shrugged, the physical gesture was as if to shake off his comment.

“Phillip, I am not going because it is pointless.” Dan said. “And you are going to get more of us killed.”

Phillip turned towards the far wall, walked towards it and then walked back.

“Look, I wasn’t entirely honest with you.” Phillip said, his tone staying low in a manner that Dan found more intimidating than if had been shouting. “This is not about Phil B. and Alison.”

He seemed to pause for dramatic impact, like he expected Dan to ask him what it was about. Dan just kept eating.

“It is about you and me.” He paced back to the far wall.

“I’m sorry?”   

As if satisfied with the impact of that statement, Phillip came and sat on the sofa and faced Dan.

“I know things have been rough, I know you just lost your oldest friend but I thought we were friends too.”

Dan didn’t say anything and just frowned at him, not really sure where this was going. However, there was a part of him that had a sinking feeling like there was something from last night that he had done that had caused this outburst.

“Why did you do that Dan?”

“Why did I do what?” Dan asked, he could feel himself tensing up and getting ready for a physical fight. Phillip had this solemn look on his face as he stared at Dan. This wasn’t an act, this was Phillip being brutally honest and it made him deeply uneasy.

“Why did you tell Caryn about what happened with Laine?”

“I didn’t.” Dan hesitated and that is when some things flashed through his head. Like snippets of a TV show playing the background while your main focus is something else; the memories came back as disjointed. He was saying something and Caryn was looking at him, except the volume in his head was too loud to make out what he was actually saying, her expression was changing as he spoke. When whatever he had thought to say came out of his mouth she had been jovial but as he uttered words that caused incomprehensible booming noises inside his head she became concerned. The next memory was just of saying something to Joshua but that was only vague. The final one was of him telling Oli about Michael.

“Then why is it that she knows about it and why is it that when I asked her who told her, she said it was you.” Phillip finally looked angry. “Why the fuck would you lie to me man?”

“I am not lying to you.” Dan said almost guiltily. “I just don’t remember.”

Phillip calmed down a little but continued his questions.

“I was going to tell her, I was waiting for her to come to bed and explain what happened. Except you already told her, why did you do that?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Bullshit.” Phillip got up and started pacing again.

“Seriously I don’t remember. I was pretty drunk.”

“Sure, sure.” Phillip said dismissively. “I just have to ask you to please stop trying to fuck up what little I have left of my life now that you have done fucking up yours. Should be simple really.”

Dan started getting up and Phillip walked towards him and put a hand on his shoulder and forced him back down, instead of onto the floor, Dan ended up clumsily landing on the edge of his bed.

“No, you don’t get to walk away from this.” Phillip voice rose.

“Get off me.”

“No, you are going to fucking listen to me. Listen to the words I have to tell you.” Phillip was close enough now that spittle was hitting Dan in the face and he could smell the yeasty dregs of whatever he had been drinking the night before.

Dan looked at him and waited. What could an ex-shop assistant, 4 years younger than him tell him that he didn’t already know?

“If you don’t want to fucking live anymore then why the fuck are you still here?” Phillip poked him in the shoulder. “Hmm?”

Dan didn’t answer him, mainly because he couldn’t.

“Yeah, I fucking thought not.” Phillip snorted.

He walked to the door and paused before looking back at Dan.

“I don’t know if we can be friends. I need to think about it.” He walked out.

Dan managed to keep a straight face until he heard the door to his apartment close. As soon as it did, the first snigger spluttered out of him. That snigger was quickly followed by another and then another; soon Dan was rolling around on the floor in hysterics. He was laughing so hard and so much that he could barely breathe.