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3: The DJ Henry Kissinger Show
IT'S ANOTHER DAY AT THE HENRY KISSINGER FUN PARK!
Don't you love it when your favourite DJ spins those decks? Hello my adoring, imaginary fans.
Have your speed ready, for I'm going to pull off an all-nighter. Just had one of the best meals of this century so I'm here to rock your world for at least twelve hours.
Look out for Celtic Frost, Babes in Toyland, and my personal favourite: Maria Callas. Yeah baby.
Hmm... Was that 'wigga' enough? Maybe I should stick in a few 'keepin it real's?
Anyway, who am I going to blame today? Nazis... the blind... Lepers... Power Rangers... Cock-Rock revival?
No done those already.
Maybe I should dig deeper, you know get to the core of the issue.
I can't believe I actually said that. Shit, listen to me, one decent feed and it has gone straight to my head... I'll stick on a tune just to get in the mood...
Trivia is the saviour, knowing the names of all the actors who portrayed the Magnificent Seven; being able to tell someone who did the track on that well known Strongbow advert.
Knowing who Barbara Walters is; having access to an encyclopedia of all the Smashing Pumpkins' lyrics in your head.
All pointless and completely essential at the same time. It is the idiosyncrasies in each of our lives that make us a being, rather than a non-entity.
Maybe you have no gift for remembering names, however, if I asked, you could tell me all I'd ever need to know about the National Swedish football team. You are on your way.
You may have no taste for industrial music, but you've been to every Oxide and Neutrino gig ever. Well you are already there.
Maybe you hate white people. Well I don't know where that gets you.
I'll tell you now, this rubbish is what keeps you afloat, what saves you in the end. True, each person's little obsession distracts you from the 'Big Picture'. A wholly contradictory message to my last broadcast, I will admit but really why would you want to know the big picture?
I just think that it saves you from becoming a no one. Nobodies have an unthinking need to consume, a desire to go absolutely nowhere.
So the critics said that the last Hanson album sucked. You have made the decision to support them; the critics can go fuck themselves. That shows some kind of passion that is purer than most. Fuck I don’t even know if Hanson still exist.
Our hobbies help us to not be swayed by mass peer pressure. We will not be deviated from our need to trainspot, to build little ships in bottles, collect Britney Spears' dirty underwear. We cannot be stopped in our need to watch every Freddie Prinze Jnr. film ever released, have a day where we do nothing but eat Green things, or listen to every Cure album.
No matter how much the media told us, we can't/couldn't be made to change our ways.
Unless of course your particular craving was keeping up to date with the newest adverts. Those of you, who still exist, should lie down and die right now because a) You are/were part of the problem and b) There is no more reason to exist anymore, sorry.
These moments where you collected trains, played with Barbies, took photographs of flowers. Not because you were obliged to but because you wanted to that is what made you breathe and be real.
What is reality? It is so fucking flimsy one man’s complaint about the popcorn being cold, stale and overpriced is perceived as them making a fuss. Well, maybe they just happen to be the world’s leading connoisseur on popcorn. Maybe it is contrary to their essence and insults their core. Maybe they really are just arseholes. What I am trying to say is, don’t be a drone, being a drone and letting it wash all over you is what puts us all under the yoke. In Roman times going under the yoke even after killing your own sister – for good reason or not – was something that no respectable world-raping Italian would ever consider doing unless he was pathetic. Ask the Sabines for fuck’s sake.
Everything is incomplete; it is up to us to fill it with something. That something just might be trivia.
Now I could go on about the virtues of being an anal retentive but I feel I've spoken enough. Those of you who don't agree can go shove it up your arse.
Here is Mucky Pup with 'She Quiffed'. Enjoy and please feel free to record this. Enjoy.
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