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5: Jocelyn
One minute I was about to have dinner at this person's house with a cute guy I'd met. I liked him, the dinner was going to be uncomplicated little get together with some of his friends.
Then Denny’s friend got into a heated argument over the phone with her boyfriend. The boyfriend was loud enough that I could hear on the other end of the receiver. It was daunting witnessing such an altercation. I started to wonder why Denny had brought me there.
The next thing I know, I was bundled into a car and led to a complete stranger's house, by a complete stranger, while the world around me went insane. I saw people running into vehicles, getting eviscerated by others, bleeding out into gutters and the very people I was accompanying were perpetrators of some of these atrocities. It was hard to articulate how I was feeling but by the time we ended up in this apartment of one of the blokes who had come to 'rescue' us, I was beside myself.
The whole thing was messy, I tried to just sit and keep as quiet as possible. Denny and I had cuddled up in the corner of the living room - he had been considerate enough to take off his blood stained T-shirt - with the TV just in sight. He sat behind me his legs spread, bent at the knee, to straddle me as I leant against his chest and rested one hand on his thigh.
In the room we were in, Gray - no one knew him - paced nervously around the room, occasionally glancing at the television to mutter something. In front of him was the couch, Sam and Isaac - sister and brother; they hadn't really spoken since we arrived they both looked a little stoned – next to them sat this really nice girl called Jo.
I could just about make out that Caryn, Caryn's boyfriend, Phillip, and Dan were talking in the kitchen. They were talking about what to do next and none of them could decide the next move.
Most of us just looked at the TV. It was all so messed up, the way it started anyway.
At first there was a straight faced announcer telling us of the increase of violence in the major cities around the world, they were blaming everything from terrorists, to drug addicts, binge drinkers, to relaxed gun laws, and increased gang activity.
I had to laugh to myself, even as the dread started to spread in me. I mean, of course it wasn't a gang. It was zombies and they were here to kill everything.
The current Prime Minister was taken ill, some spokesperson, someone that was part of the government kept coming on and saying that the police were in full control. From the exposition that was coming from outside the building they hadn't made it to Brighton.
As time went on - a few hours at the most - it was obvious to the BBC as to how much trouble we were really in. Manchester was completely inaccessible, Liverpool was a 'recommended no-go area', and London wasn't far behind. All the time I could hear them outside in the square moaning and calling. The only good thing was that Denny hugged me when I shook.
It seems weird that I'd even think about it, but as the news showed up all I could think about was being younger.
*
When I was 12 years old I had the biggest crush on my best friend’s bigger brother. I’d had a crush on him since I discovered the concept of boys; I used to make excuses to be around his house just so I could see his older sibling. His name was Rick, he had long curly hair, tanned skin, awesome metal T-Shirts and he played drums in a band that did Bon Jovi covers. Whenever he used to walk through the house he seemed to have this knowing grace, like everyone (well, me) was watching him. I used to have thoughts about him that I am not sure they are a good idea to reiterate given that describing how a pre-teen visualises sex without understanding what it is that the equipment does, all I knew is that I wanted him really badly but what that want really was, I was not sure.
My heart almost broke when Rick had an accident; he got hit while stationary at some traffic lights. His oh-so cool retro 80s car was crumpled by a Volvo SUV and he ended up in a coma. I kept pestering my friend to let me visit his brother I was obsessed with the idea that maybe if I could see him he might wake up and he would thank me for rescuing him from the darkness. It was a stupid fantasy of girl not ready for her teens, I know that now. My incessant pestering ended my friendship with Rick’s brother (I feel terrible because I don’t even remember his name) but I stayed in touch with his mother, I never really understood why she agreed to stay in touch. I look back and wonder if she knew how in love with Rick I was, she must have had an inkling but I still wonder why she let me be a part of that scenario, maybe it was sympathy or maybe it was pity. About 2 months later that she called me to tell me that Rick had woken up. As she explained that he had just come to, I could feel my stomach doing flips and I was getting really hot, like there was steam coming out of my ears. I could barely hold on to the phone receiver as all I wanted to do was jump around screaming. After the initial excitement she then told me that I couldn’t see him, this stopped me still. I begged her to let me come to the hospital but she kept refusing. I wanted to curse her; I couldn’t understand why she was being so mean. After 20 minutes of insisting that I be allowed to see him she eventually gave in and agreed to let me on the following Friday. My own mother drove me there with a look on her face that I didn’t understand. The whole time I was winding myself up, I was going to see Rick and I was going to tell him that I had never given up on him and that I loved him.
“Sweetie, you do know that Rick is a bit messed up, right?” My mum kept asking me but I didn’t really listen. “They are saying he has memory problems. Maybe we should come back later.”
I could barely contain myself as we waited in the reception, I felt like I was going to explode. Finally after what felt like an age the nurse took us to Rick’s mother. She commented on how pretty I looked (I was wearing my nicest top and leggings with these pink shoes that had holograms on the heels, my hair was done in long braids topped off with hearts at the end), she had this really sad look in her face while she said this that just made me confused. She went into the Rick’s room first, asking us stay outside. This just made me angry, I’d come all this way looking the best I could and she was making me wait.
She reappeared from the door, there was some shouting coming from behind her but I couldn’t see from what.
“Now is not a good time.” She looked flustered like she was embarrassed.
“I want to see Rick.” I said determinedly, I didn’t care if some person was shouting I just had to see Rick.
She looked at me, her eyes were wide. One thing I noted as she looked at me, not sure what to say, was how uneven everything about her was. All previous times I seen her she had always kept her long black hair immaculate, she always wore dress shirts and skirts like a business woman. In that moment she was still dressed that way but her two top buttons were undone revealing a sharp left collar bone. Her hair was almost perfect but I could see strands flowing as if they had a life of their own away from the rest of the perfectly brushed hair.
I looked back her with this stern look that I hoped meant she knew I wasn’t going to back down. She switched her attention to my mother and the two of them walked away to talk about whatever was bothering her.
I managed to wait about 5 minutes before I just couldn’t contain myself. I had to tell Rick everything; with the accident done I needed to tell him in case I never got the chance again.
I pushed open the door to his room and marched in with the confidence that I think that someone with no real knowledge can.
Before I was even two steps into the room I was hit by the moaning and groaning coming from the bed in front of me. This strange Frankenstein’s monster sat before me. Tufts of hair grew around the scars on its head, its left eye was slightly jellified and seemed lean out of its socket, like an egg yolk on a fried egg would if you tilted it. There were tubes going into its arm, in turn they were both strapped to the bed. The noise it was making was the worst, it was this pathetic cry for help like it could not understand where it was or what was happening then would switch as if it was angry then in pain. I think I managed to frown at what I was seeing, at who I was seeing then I just collapsed to my knees as if someone had just punched me in the gut. I kept looking at this creature, moaning then screaming then shouting in noises that made no sense at nothing in particular and I started to cry.
*
The noises that came from outside took me right back to Rick in that bed, that same mournfulness, hollow bellowing similar to a drunk who has lost their final sip of drink and now feels lost. The noises made me shiver.
We watched television through the night - New York was gone, Manchester, gone, Liverpool, gone, Middlesborough, so gone everyone was afraid to go anywhere near it.
Things escalated and it got worse, and worse. The disease as they called it, spread into places it had no business being, people just fell down dead. The police, what was left of them, couldn't explain it, scientists tried, and failed. All they knew is that it was genetic, that there was a code, like a bike lock or safe combination that clicked into place in a certain way and that the disease liked it, so people keeled over and came back, fast and hungry, and ones that were dead came back, slower but just as hungry.
Dan and Jo set us up with covers and other stuff so that we could all sleep comfortably. Phillip passed out almost straight away, he had drunk most of a bottle of Whiskey and he was snoring soundly within minutes.
Gray tried to convince Dan to unlock the door as soon as he was convinced that Phillip wouldn’t wake up but Dan just shook his dreadlocks at him and explained that they needed to wait to see what happened before going outside. Gray started whispering to Dan, I couldn’t make out what out what he was saying but I could see Dan’s face fall in sympathy but then immediately turn hard and resolve to stick to his original response. He shook his head and when Gray seemed to insist Dan just placed his hand against Gray’s chest and pushed him away.
I looked up at the sofa, the guy and the girl (I think that they were Brother and Sister) were curled up together and asleep. The girl, Jo, had already disappeared.
The sounds from the outside world kept both Denny and I awake for hours, it was like Chinese water torture. Gray was also difficult; he kept trying to entreat us into some kind of militia against Phillip, Dan and Caryn. That did not go down well with Denny; as for myself, I knew neither party and the last thing I wanted was for that door to open. He left us alone after about an hour of harassment (not sure that it was fair to call it that but his nagging certainly approximated to it). Once Gray half-collapsed there was only the two of us awake in the room. Denny looked at me, he had these deep brown eyes that I found irresistible, and made as if to apologise – make recompense for what an awful night it had been. Before he could say anything I shushed him with a kiss. We sat there intertwined, he felt good.
I terminated the kissing and just lay against him; Denny exhaled happily and started stroking my hair. I lay there and let the warm sensations flow over me, at that point I finally got a couple of hours of sleep.
By the time I awoke the broadcasts had stopped entirely; the last report was real-time footage from a couple of the main cities in England, the streets were totally overrun, thousands of dead walked around, there was no sign of resistance from people. It was over already.
We sort of stared at the TV as it faded to a snowstorm of dancing greys and blacks. I never imagined I would be there to see the last conjuration before society collapsed but here I was
No one said anything and then Phillip came to life.
“We secure this place. First we make sure all of the flats are closed or locked then we reinforce the downstairs door so that none of those things can get in. We go into each flat through the scaffolding, starting with next door make sure it is secure, then move on.”
“Why don't we just leave?” Gray spoke out. “Why don't we just run, I mean surely we would be safer somewhere else like a Police Station, Hospital or military base? Surely?”
“Really? Gray, do me a favour, take a listen to outside. Tell me, do you hear anything like a siren, a man with a loud speaker telling us everything is okay?” Phillip sneered.
Gray went to say something then faltered.
“If you want to go you can fuck off any time you want. I reckon we can make this place a solid defense against those things for at least a few weeks until it is all back to normal. Your fucking choice.”
I looked at Gray and it was clear to see him tense up.
After that exchange Phillip, Dan, Denny and Isaac (the brother that fell asleep on the sofa with his sister) went and got themselves ready to go outside. I wanted to say something to Denny, anything that stopped him from being careless, something that stopped him from going and yet I didn't and I am not entirely sure why.
The entourage moved out into the hallway in front of the main door, Dan had the key ready while Phillip was clasping the baseball bat (still stained in blood from the night before).
Jo's friend with a weird name appeared, he looked like he had gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson... She said he liked the drugs, it showed.
“Uh, what’s going on?”
No one answered; the tall boy stumbled out of view and into the living room.
“What happened to the telly?” He asked, slightly muffled by the walls.
Caryn and Jo walked into the living room and I followed them.
“What is going on?” The strange boy asked.
“Shush Orfax, sweetie.” Jo kneelt down in front of him and stroked his face.
Phillip, Dan, Denny and Isaac came back in, followed closely by Gray.
“The two below should be fine; they are empty almost all year round.” Dan said. “This place is commonly used as a weekend retreat, not as full time residential flats; the ground floor won't have any-
“Fuck the two at the bottom.” Phillip said. “I don't care about those two.”
“Why not?” Dan asked.
“Because we won't be using them.” Dan said, leaning forward to kiss Caryn on the cheek. “What I'm worried about is whether they have broken through the barricade downstairs and gotten into those rooms, even if they are supposed to be empty.
The group all nodded then just went out onto the scaffolding.
This time we waited an hour, I started getting nervous, maybe they had been attacked, I didn't know.
“I don't think they are coming back.”
We were all sitting in the main room, with Gray walking around, and he had to say that.
“They'll be back.” Caryn returned.
“How do you know that?” Gray stopped pacing and spun to look at her.
“Because we would have heard Phillip say 'Cunt' at least once if there was any trouble.” Caryn replied.
This made me smile, personally, Phillip scared me, he had this moody persona that I'd never want to go near, but he and Caryn seemed to work perfectly. Caryn had this quiet confidence and after seeing her stab that zombie I think she had good reason for her forwardness.
Gray turned away and started walking again then he threw a hand up:
“Well sod this; I am going to get out of here.
“Don't be stupid.” Caryn scoffed.
“Huh?” Gray snorted back still moving around looking at all of us almost frantically. “Are you telling me you wouldn't do the same?”
“I wouldn't.” Jo pointed out.
Gray just shook his shoulder like he was deflecting the comment.
“Well I would and I am.” He snapped.
He made a beeline for the front door, Caryn and I followed him with Caryn looking furious.
“Gray, what are you trying to do?” Caryn accused, her face screwing up with scorn.
“I don't know what you mean.” Gray frowned.
“My boyfriend is out there risking his life for us. I seem to recall him pulling you into our car now tell me, are you just going to leave?” Caryn was practically snarling.
“Oh please, the way it is right now: everyone for themselves, anything could happen."
“You're an arsehole Gray.” Caryn replied.
Gray grunted some kind of response then walked out of the front door.
Caryn and I exchanged glances as we heard him hit the stairs. I wanted to open the door to see where he was but was too scared of what might be waiting for me.
Jo came out into the hallway looking petrified.
“Is he out there?”
We just nodded.
I could still hear the Gray’s cautious steps but they were starting to fade, I started to imagine that Gray was going to just walk out into the street and escape. As I indulged in this fantasy the groans started. I just went cold.
Footsteps pounded back up the steps, swiftly following pounding on the door.
“It’s me, let me back in!” Gray’s voice came through.
I looked at Caryn again. There was an expression on her face that left me shocked. Maybe if it had looked like a hesitation or some kind of uncertainty in her eyes I might have forgiven her but this wasn’t that. Caryn was certain about leaving him out there; it was this grim smile that said ‘fuck you’.
I looked back at the door and motioned towards it, Caryn reached out to stop me but before she could do so Jo burst past us. She snatched at the lock and forced the door open. Gray sprung through the door spouting thanks and apologies but I wasn’t even listening.
All I could do was absorb the look on Jo’s face, she was glaring straight at Caryn.
I couldn’t believe what I had been part of.
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